Four Realistic New Year's Resolutions You Should Make This Year

The year 2015 is almost upon us - a phrase that will make me feel incredibly old when I look back on this post in a few years' time - and that means it's time to make the traditional and dreaded New Year's Resolution. Every year, we make vague, nebulous promises to better ourselves, and since we're all shitty in the exact same ways, I can already predict what your New Year's resolutions are going to be. Unless you're the sort of person who starts every morning by snorting a line of protein powder off a barbell, you're going to resolve to lose the small-child-sized lump of blubber you've been carrying around on your stomach, and finally get in shape. If you don't get to work each morning by sliding down a novelty firepole to your desk at a funky tech startup, you're probably going to resolve to spend less time with your face buried in your phone. Every single one of us is a procrastinating shithead, so we're going to resolve to finish the project/masterpiece/Great American Novel we've been working on. And you know what?

It has to stop.

Cut this shit out.

Resolutions are such flimsy promises that it's socially acceptable to pledge yourself to a life of vegan dieting, yoga and sobriety on January 1st, and then spend January 2nd passed out in front of Netflix with a bottle of whiskey in one hand and the sad remains of an entire cheesecake squished into the other. No more. This year, let's make some more interesting resolutions. Creative resolutions. Resolutions we can actually keep. Resolutions like:

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Getting Back on Track

If you've been following my blog with feverish dedication this past year (as all of you should be), you might have noticed that my posting schedule has been a little bit erratic lately.

This is why.

In the past three months, I've been busy applying for graduate school, attempting to not flunk out of my final year of university, pimping out my writing brilliance for Cracked.com, and spending some time with a particularly persistent group of rabid admirers who refer to themselves as my friends. Sometimes, blogging just had to wait.

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Over-Analyzing "Black Widow": Why You Should Never Order a Sandwich From Iggy Azalea

I watched a music video the other day.

This music video, to be exact. 

Despite my valiant attempts to sequester myself in a musical cocoon of early-2000s pop punk and my dad's old Cat Stevens albums, I sometimes hear contemporary pop songs in my day-to-day life. And since pop songs are the neurological equivalent of crack cocaine, sometimes those songs bounce around in my frontal lobes for a while until I cave in and look them up on YouTube.

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