Over-Analyzing "The Lazarus Effect": Why This Movie Deserves to Die, and Stay Dead

I recently saw "The Lazarus Effect".

This thing.

Like the two other atrocious horror movies I've reviewed for this blog, I had high hopes for The Lazarus Effect. The plot - if I may use the term so generously - is the sort of thing you'd come up after reading Stephen King novels during an LSD nightmare. Frank and his remarkably understanding fiancee, Zoe, are scientists trying to come up with a way to help coma patients. What they come up with instead is the Lazarus serum, which does exactly what its name implies - it skips the whole "coma" thing and brings the freaking dead back to life. The team are just celebrating their first success when disaster strikes - their lab is shut down, and a member of their team is accidentally killed in a terrible accident. Desperate, they use the Lazarus serum on her, only to realize that they all should have watched Pet Semetary before deciding to mess around with dead things.

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My Second Cracked Article!

As some of you may already know, I started writing for Cracked.com this year. My first article, about five of history's most horrifying villains, came out in January.

Handy Hint: Do not hire this man to babysit your children.

Not content with one article, I quickly penned a second, and the Cracked editors must have been hitting the booze hard that week, because they accepted it! So enjoy "6 Bizarre Medical Conditions That Shouldn't Be Possible".

Handy Hint: Do not take this man's advice about vitamin supplements.

So read it, enjoy, and then go back to eagerly awaiting my next article!

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Danielle Steel Takes the Greatest Author Photos of All Time

Let's talk about Danielle Steel.

This lady, right here.

For those of you who aren't rich, 50-something women, Danielle Steel is the bestselling author of approximately four thousand books about wealthy families blackmailing each other and going to jail over money. Everything she has ever written has turned into a bestseller, her books have been translated into virtually every remaining language on Earth, and she spends so much time perched on talk show couches that she has Oprah Winfrey on speed dial. She's the bestselling author currently breathing air, the fourth bestselling author in human history, and her real-life biography sounds more like a work of fiction than anything she's ever written. Fans praise her for her style, her stories, and her ability to put out new novels at a pace that suggests she's actually a team of enslaved writers living underneath Danielle Steel's kitchen floor. 

But what we should really be praising her for are her author photos. 

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