How I Accidentally Met C3PO: A Magical Comic Con Adventure

Every year, I attend the Calgary Comic and Entertainment Expo in Calgary, Alberta.

This. I attend this. 

For those of you who aren't familiar with the event, the Calgary Comic Con is a sweaty, writhing, costumed festival of panels, bootleg Walking Dead merchandise, celebrity geek royalty, unknown comic artists and tens of thousands of starry-eyed and socially graceless nerds flocking to Calgary's BMO centre like they're making a religious pilgrimage in a spandex Batman costume. In other words, it's pretty much the closest you can get to heaven. 

2

5 Things I've Learned This Year

This Thursday, I will sit down and write the last exam of my fourth year of university. Before you take out your wallet to send me fistfuls of congratulatory graduation cash, settle down - I might have completed a bachelor's degree worth of courses, but since I changed my program halfway through, I've got one more year to go. Some might call this the 'five year plan' method of getting through university. If you're not into borrowing terms from communist dictators, you can call it the 'scenic route' through university. Either way, the point is that I've now completed many years of school.

Don't worry, I've been studying diligently the whole time. 

So at the end of this year, after 8 months of school, 10 courses, $7000 in tuition, countless nights of exploring the dark depths of the internet when I should have been studying and some of the best memories I've ever had, you might be surprised to hear that I think I might have learned something. In fact, I learned a few things, and I happen to be just kind enough to share them. 

So if you have no desire to trace my exact steps through the past year to learn what I've learned, try to appreciate these five pieces of immense wisdom:

2

21 More of the Strangest Books I've Ever Seen

A few weeks ago, I didn't have the time to write a proper post with actual words, and so I put together a collection of some of the craziest books I ever came across in my three years as a library employee. You lot rewarded me by making it my most popular post ever. This week, I've got far too many exams to write a real post, and since I'm not one to argue with operant conditioning, this week I present to you 21 more of the strangest books I've ever seen.

As you go through this list, keep in mind that these aren't weird little vanity publications cluttering up the dusty corners of Amazon. These are real, actual books that real, actual editors approved and sold to real, actual people.

The first step is to bleach your hair that special shade of 90's blond and steal your dad's old sweater.

 Because you never know when someone will nuke the family ranch.

Just in case the first edition didn't quite cut it for you.

The real joke is that these books made the author more money than you'll ever see.

Apparently there is no audience too small to warrant a book deal.

Finally, a book for the lesbian horse on your Christmas list.

If your poo is telling you things, I think it's time to get the professionals.

If someone walks in on you doing these, just tell them it's a sex thing. Less embarrassing.

The natural sequel to 'The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands'.

Step One: Float away on a giant door while your love interest freezes to death.

I'm not usually a fan of pseudonyms, but sometimes they're a good idea.

This is wrong for entirely different reasons.

The first and only thing I would force my teenage offspring to read.

Alternate title: How to get checked into a rest home at the age of 52.

People have been making origami sperm since ancient times? Really?

That sounds like a challenge.

How creepy this book is depends entirely on who's holding it.

If I ever had children, I would bring a copy of this to all their therapy appointments.

My dog is too dumb to learn 'sit', I can't see this working out.

Welcome to your new life of fucking Elmer's Glue and cantaloupes.

Keep an eye out for the sequel: Being Ashamed of Hair in Funny Places

So to all of my aspiring author friends out there who are struggling to get published: keep at it. Because apparently, they'll publish just about anything. 

0

Greetings From Beneath My Pile of Homework

It's that time of year again. Term papers are due, and I haven't done any of them. Just pretend there was a post this week. It was hilarious. You loved it.

You enjoying my hypothetical post. Artist's depiction.

0