Hooray!
To celebrate a full year of successful and mostly-continuous blogging, I'm going to spend this post looking back on the last 52 weeks of snarkiness, Disney analysis and non sequitur images.
Case in point.
I don't keep a hit counter or any other form of visible statistic on my blog, partly because I think it's tacky, and partly because doing so would just prompt my mom to refresh my page over and over again to boost my self-esteem. But since today is a special occasion, I thought I'd break my own rule about keeping my stats a secret and publicly comb through a year's worth of data for your personal enjoyment. So without further ado, one full year's worth of blogging has resulted in:
Total Page Views: 203, 647
That's a lot of page views! Admittedly, at least half of them are probably the result of my mother frantically refreshing my page to make me feel like my time spent blogging is worthwhile, but I've still gotten more hits on this blog than any of my other attempts at writing funny things on the internet. Thanks for wasting so much of your valuable spare time on me, guys!
With that said, despite this first year's success, I'm a hyper-competitive maniac and I will not be satisfied unless I break a quarter-million hits next year. So start refreshing.
Time to start hiring page hit farms?
Top Five Posts:
- Psychology "Fun Facts" That Are Driving Me Insane - 34,600 hits
- Five Fascinating Rare Psychological Disorders You Need to Know About - 8,410 hits
- 29 of the Strangest Books I've Ever Seen - 5,267 hits
- In Defense of Ron and Hermione - 4,617 hits
- Hello, World. It's Me, Janel. - 4,303 hits
Interestingly enough, despite my many, many clever Disney-related posts, it's my furious railing against email-forward fun facts that attracted the most traffic to my blog this year. In close second was gawking at the unfortunate mental diseases of people with rare afflictions. Really, mocking people in general seems to be my most popular content, as #3 mocks absurd books, #4 mocks J.K. Rowling, and #5 is about me, arguably the most mockable person to appear on this blog.
So if I want to keep up this success, it's absolutely crucial that I find more things worthy of mocking.
Start emailing me your misguided brain fun facts today!
Top Five Sources of Traffic:
- StumbleUpon
- Google+
So despite my efforts to promote my blog across the vast, black cesspools of the internet, most people are finding my blog just by randomly stumbling ass-backwards into it. The only other thing on this list that surprised me was Google+ - who knew people actually used that?
The unloved stepchild of the social media world.
Top Five Visitor Countries:
- United States
- France
- Canada
- Ukraine
- China
It's not really all that surprising that almost half of my readers are American, or that I've got a substantial Canadian readership. I'm not even surprised to learn that French people are reading my blog over their morning pastries, or that Ukranians are thumbing through my posts while they wait for the Russians to invade. What does surprise me is China - apparently, I haven't mentioned the words "freedom", "democracy", or "Tienanmen Square massacre" often enough to get my website censored by Chinese Google yet.
Wait, shit.
Brought to you by the People's Republic of China.
Your Top Ten Google Searches to Find This Blog:
I frequently post my top blog searches on my Facebook page whenever there's some truly unusual stuff on there, but here's a list of all the top searches used to find my page this year:
- butts
- hot butts
- www.janelcomeau.ca
- hott butt
- Janel Comeau
- janelcomeau.blogspot.com
- everything wrong with mulan
- girl butts
- game of thrones
- gaston chest hair gif
You people are despicable.
As it turns out, you're not coming here for my wit. You're not here for my charm. You're not here to marvel at my good looks or admire my winning personality. You're not here for devastating analysis of your favourite TV shows and movies. You aren't coming to laugh, learn or cry. Oh, no.
No, most of you are coming to catch a glimpse of a shapely rear end.
Fine. That's fine. If you want ass, I'll give you ass. Here, take a good look.
As it turns out, you're not coming here for my wit. You're not here for my charm. You're not here to marvel at my good looks or admire my winning personality. You're not here for devastating analysis of your favourite TV shows and movies. You aren't coming to laugh, learn or cry. Oh, no.
No, most of you are coming to catch a glimpse of a shapely rear end.
Fine. That's fine. If you want ass, I'll give you ass. Here, take a good look.
You have no idea what this has done to my Google search history.
Now don't let anyone say that I don't know how to pander to my audience.
That's it for this year's statistics! Here's to another year of blogging, ranting, refreshing and butts. Cheers.
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